some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
