If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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