his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
