Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
