Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's blow job season.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
