U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
