ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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