Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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