Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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