She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
