I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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