I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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