2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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