We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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