He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
