So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
