i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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