Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need moral support for this bender
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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