I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
