my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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