i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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