and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
