The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am one with the molecules
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
