Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
