I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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