I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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