evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
