May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
