we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
