I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
