Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
