But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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