the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
