You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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