I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
