I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize