Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
