they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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