I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i love accidental penises.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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