I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
