I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
