I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
