So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
