i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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