Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
