Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
