so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
