If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
