dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We're too hungover to prance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
