need another drink. this is the easiest way
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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