I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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