You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
