There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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