I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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