I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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