My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
