she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can you repeat that, but with context?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
