TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
