You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Drake has all the answers
You ate ashes out of my bong
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
