I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
