Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My vagina is very pro this idea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
