theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
