ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
