Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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