I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
