Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
