Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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