Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
