Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
