I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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