The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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