Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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