I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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