Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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