You just made me feel so damn special
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
