my vag is so smooth its legendary
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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