in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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