So drunk its hurt
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
