It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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