I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
