any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
