I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
