it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The air was thick with penises
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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