I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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